December 9th, 2008 (04:46 am)
current mood: shocked
Have you ever felt like you were just slapped (and hard!) right after hearing/reading what someone else said about you?
That just happened to me.
And let me tell you, it's not a pleasant experience at all.
I thought things would be okay, I knew it would probably be awkward for a while, but I thought we could remain friends.
I'm not that sure about it anymore. Especially not if I have to play quidditch with him, and it's not like I can ignore him either. And there's not much I can do about it. There's no way I'm going to give up VH and everything because of that, and he won't either. Not that I'd want him to, anyway.
I just... I don't even know what I wanted, actually. Except for the nice dream that was last summer to get real. But that's what it was, right? A dream. Or was it really? Now I don't even know anymore.
I guess it's really time to come back down to earth.
But landing hurt. Or was it actually crashing?
Sometimes I wish I could hate him. It would make things easier for me. Just hate, and don't care anymore. Forget everything. Because remembering what I can't have hurts.
I know time will help, but I'm tired of that. Tired of having to wait, and count on time to make things get better.
I just feel like a boxer, an old and tired one. Every time I finally manage to stand again, and get things to go better, I get punched back down. And every time it's harder to stand up again. I'm scared things will get to the point where I won't be able to stand anymore. I try to be optimistic and everything, but so far, it hasn't worked. And even when things start to get well... well, good things don't last. Ever.
And I think that's what bothers me the most. How do I know that it won't be like that forever? Because I know I can't stay like that forever. I won't survive it.